My Life

 

I'm the laziest person on this universe.

Never miss a chance to be on a AC or professional environment.

Find time and Bath everyday morning.

Wear only shoes to colleges.

I could only think clear when i'm alone.

I always tried to stay away from others and be alone.

I blamed my neck and shoulder pain as a reason for my fate.

It was very hard for me to take the first step .

I get a flow if i started but it wont be consistent.

I felt like learning with curiosity to deeper extends and outside of the syllabus with interest was too hard for me to do since years after my tenth. I dont remember how i was before that. 

I was all alone after my sister's marriage.

I was wanted a purpose to do something like deadline usually the day just before exams.

I always tried to to search for that purpose to begin something. I believed i would only start if there's a purpose like "Necessity is the mother of invention."

My words and promises were too high that i couldnt keep them.

I thought my mentality would change if i fly with eagles instead of ducks. But i was always me. The duck.

I always wanted some force to change me. Even my father knows it and told me once i always need a push when i got low scores in the test.

I keep complaining and never took the effort.

I read many self help books and watched many series and movies which dont take much effort. Just sit and do.

I really believe computer science and programming is my passion. And now i doubt it since i didn't take efforts.

I was always in my comfort zone of house. I get enough money , i can buy whatever i wish. My father was not that rich, still never said no to me.

I was more of a slave of consumerism instead of a man making income.

Peeps around me took the efforts and i got a lot behind.

I lost my motivation and got nothing to do and no friends except one. Thank God.

Failures reflected in every part of my life. May be due to prayers of my parents , i'm still alive, passed every exam even though i didnt do my best. Also god never let out my bad side to others.

I had nothing to do so i moved on to porn at times. It made me more depressed and increased my fungal infections.

My body pain increased as i didnt took care of it well.

I can think more when i type or write otherwise i cant.

I've became isolated from others like i always wanted to.

I was always inside my comfort zone. I never had a purpose to get out of it. I just want to live normal with minimal money and lived like this. Even though i have big dreams like everyone.

When i was at 11th std, I even told my parents I can't think deeply. Somethings limiting me. Still I could outperform many in aptitudes. I was the one got shortlist in placement drives most times in my college. I know it why i failed each time in interviews.

College is about to end in a few months.

I didnt like bullies eg: sreejith and those who called me "mandan" eg: adil and fayaz.

I wanted respect from others but i didnt do anything for it.

I know how to change but i never took a step atleast from the current moment.

I even had difficulty sleeping at night.

I could run in the ground at early morning or streets nothing will happen if others saw me.

I could exercise in the gym or my room itself nothing will happen if others saw me.